Words by Jason Lee
Rounds of speed dating, vodka cranberries, and icebreaker games are what one typically expects to encounter at a singles-themed St. Valentine’s event all with the ultimate goal of de-singlefying oneself (if only for the night!) but NOT SO at the recent Crab-Hands First St. Valentine’s Singles Pageant & Musical Revue, held at an undisclosed location in Central Brooklyn, where attendees were treated to cheap beer ’n’ booze and a decapitated Cupid instead, in an overarching celebration of singlehood itself whose grand prize was being crowned the Ultimate Grand Single Supreme and that’s it—no gift certificate for date night at TGI Friday’s or nuttin’…
…and whereas yr “lamestain” V-Day mixer circa early 2026 will likely feature treacly canned music in heavy syrup by the likes of Alex Warren as you try to avoid throwing up in yr mouth plus that Taylor tune about her tight end’s monster hog whereas attendees at the Brooklyn party were treated instead to live sets by the two rock combos mentioned above (Crab, Hands First) with songs blending gritty post-hardcore energy with skronky art-rock edge (think Captain Beefheart more than Yes or ELP re: the latter or more recent groups like Royal Blood, Turbowolf) and you can probably guess which type of party The Deli prefers…
…and btw don’t worry yr pretty little, still-attached head about the decapitation cuz the rosy-cheeked, ill-fated Cupid in question was merely a piñata (pretty realistic tho’ hovering up there near the ceiling!) that the winner of the singles pageant (comprised of a “talent” portion and that was it—plus we’re talkin’ DIY-style anti-talents like being good at wearing hats, as judged by three alt-comedians and emceed by local funnywoman Danielle Clarke-Fisher) herself a rosy-cheeked, sweet-tempered young woman in a fuzzy, striped sweater who by the end of the night was found viciously pummeling the cherubic angel into submission, seemingly more intent on landing a good head-shot than gaining access to the candy within…
…which is the effect Crab’s music tends to have on people in general (watch this space for thoughts on Hands First in a future column!) that is assuming there’s a piñata at arm’s length (pincer’s length?) with peer-reviewed studies showing how Crab’s music excels at bringing the “beast within” to the surface not to mention one’s “inner freak” (never mind what it does to white mice!) thus serving as a valuable safely valve for releasing inner turmoil not t o mention long-buried rage and resentment in a safe space populated by fellow freaks and social pariahs drawn together by music that’s self-describedly confrontational, magnetic, and deeply human (the latter being the scariest of all these days!)…
which is maybe why their latest single is called “Unlimited” seeing as Crab is all about the casting off of personal limitations (NO LIMITS!) and sociocultural constrains (NO LAWS!) or at least that’s what we think (not “limited” by what the band thinks!) which counter-intuitively serves as foundation for the geeked-out Crab Community who showed up in droves on a night of frigid, sub-zero temperatures to share in their strange, acquired taste for the equivalent of musical chum (not meant pejoratively, see below!)…
….which also helps explain Crab being one a’ doze rare bands that lacks any clear, designated front-person or leader wut with vocal duties being shared between its three guitarist-vocalists (Chris Aniftos, Paul Aronson, & Captain Tunney) even tho’ any one of ‘em would likely be up to the task—like Chris for instance who’s gifted with the rugged good looks of a Dahmer or a Bundy; or Paul with his imposing black balaclava, whether worn for warmth or purposes entirely more nefarious; or The Cap’n who gives off strong William Defoe in The Lighthouse energy, none of whom overshadowing Chuck Hugheson bass nor David Hopp on drums with each of Crab’s members functioning as a single pair of crustacean-style pincers or legs on a musical decapod’s frame, scuttling across the floors of silent seas in perfect harmony…
…and likewise Crab’s music knows few limitations, skipping blithely across stylistic boundaries (garage rockers, ambient instrumentals, cowpunk rave-ups etc. and that’s just on their ApeApeApeApeApe EP from last February) but with all the influences thoroughly crabified, with “Unlimited” being a song the band describe as “mark[ing] a stylistic departure from our last release, moving into a more textured, lush, and eclectic sound mixing elements of post-rock, shoegaze, art-rock, and indie rock” which sounds about right to us, so again no limits…
…and btw “Unlimited” was recorded by “friend of the blog” Stephen Kurpis at Vitruvian Sound in Ridgewood, Queens and while everyone will of course come up w/their own points of reference (it’s just this un-pindown-ability the band take pride in) personally we’re feelin’ mid-period Sebadoh crossed with early 2000s Broken Social scene, in equal parts emo, melodic, harsh, and hypnotic, plus for a song that mentions “my heart” and just “heart” like 29 times it’s impressive this is not at all a love song so far as we can tell (back to where we started!) but which instead equates heart with a traveling soul that’ll never be full, a lying lover and foe who owes you money…
…in a song that when it comes to all things crab-like reminds us of the old “boiling crab” scenario where when an individual fails to react to a gradually worsening or intensifying situation—like a slow increase in water temperature—it eventually becomes too late to escape (!) with “Unlimited” similarly being kinda droney and repetitive (the whole post-rock thang) but gradually increasing in intensity over its duration to where by the end you’ll be boiled alive (!!) and yet somehow still begging for more (!!!)…
…and since we didn’t get around to actually interviewing the band (editor’s note: do you ever get around to interviewing the band?) we’ll close this piece with an observation by the aforementioned Stephen who believes that Crab heralds a bright future (as opposed to catching crabs, see below, in more ways than one!) for indie music as part of “a crop of bands that have sprung out of the massive order cycling that the pandemic brought especially as a lot of them aren’t ashamed to break the latest crop of rules and have very little interested in both ‘toxic authenticity’ or with ‘lazily chasing the algorithm’ by being overly derivative for cheap playlisting heat. I think that’s going to be especially beneficial as more AI fuckery comes about and starts killing off knock-off groups doing hyper derivative music and endless glorified covers [in a manner that’s] vaguely reminiscent of the pre-streaming music blogosphere era” or, in other words, much like the early years of The Deli which against sounds good to us and hey maybe it means we’ll be back in print any day now…we’re back, baby!
“Unlimited”
Chris Aniftos: Guitars, Vocals
Paul Aronson: Guitars, Vocals
Captain Tunney: Guitars
Chuck Hughes: Bass
David Hopp: Drums
Kasey Johnson: Additional Vocals
Recorded at Vitruvian Sound in Ridgewood NY.
Engineered & Mixed by Stephen Kurpis at Vitruvian Sound NYC
Assistant Engineers: Camden Phalen & Captain Tunney
Mastered by Dan Walker
P.S. And oh, by the way, Crab are competing in the second round of Our Wicked Lady’s “Winter Madness” band tournament this weekend, so grab yr tix for Main Drag Music on Saturday, 2/21 here…